I had decided that Ben (and his family) have to go through the loss/uncertainty of Helen’s fate in some depth in order to have the reader feel the length of time and emptiness of her disappearance. The trouble is knowing just how much to put into the novel. Originally Ben’s father and mother don’t feature in this accept in tv interviews outside their house – but this doesn’t work – they wouldn’t behave like that. They would come out to Iceland. I’ve now had them arrive, which gives me the opportunity to find more scenes and explore more emotions for Ben. The thing is I’m not sure how much to layer on the grief before something more has to happen? I want this section to be quite painful and “empty” but I don’t want to overdo it…?
Chapter one is basically the introduction and Ben’s story of the nine days that Helen is lost. Chapter Two picks up where chapter one left (naturally enough) with Ben and Gerður meeting Helen again, but then goes back to tell the story of those nine days from Helen’s perspective…
The two families sit round the dinner table – the conversation a strange mix of family reunion and wake. Laughter does come, but it is discordantly placed in the setting. Oddly it is Guðni and Heather who find humour the greatest relief, with Baldur and Eyrún joining in reluctantly and with hard felt guilt. Their neice has disappeared, and hopes of her safe return are fading fast, and they are sitting here enjoying haddock fried in a wine and feta cheese sauce?!! Eyrún lays down her knife and fork, turning away from the table she covers her eyes, trying to hide the upset. Guðni moves to comfort his sister, reassuring her – he cracks a joke – tells her that everything will be alright, that Helen will be returned to them.
“How can you be so sure?” Eyrún rallies on her brother, “You don’t know what it’s been like this year? More hikers than ever have been lost this year – not just tourists too, but Icelanders.”
Guðni embraces his sister, telling her it’s not so. It’s just coincidence, that you are only noticing these things now because it’s happened to one of their own. She reacts violently towards his words, rushing from the room out to the kitchen. Her brother follows her, leaving the table appologetically, reassuring the rest of the family. He approaches Eyrún, bent over in tears at the sink, trying to mop them away.
“Somethings happening Guðni. The world is changing. I can feel it.” She lifts her head and looks her brother directly in the eye, “We’re not safe anymore.”
She allows herself to be held in her brother’s arms, “What’s happened to your daughter. That’s proof of it.”
I like this. I think it helps to give the reader the nature of Icelandic family that is so important in (not just the real world) but in the great sagas. It places the story in a real family setting…
(I hope)
How did you come to be so fascinated by Iceland?
It’s somewhere where I always wanted to go as a youngster (I have three Icelandic cousins – my dad’s sister married an icelander), but it’s expensive to get to and so I never.
Then I got into the conservation volunteering thing with the NT, and after a few years of going to he lakes or yorkshire or the southwest I heard that BTCV did holidays building footpaths (amongst other things) internationally. In 2001 I went out with them and built some footpaths, fell in love with the country, and went back last year and built some more. The sad thing is, that on both occassions, my itinary was such that I didn’t have the time to see the family whilst I was out there (so I have to rely on seeing them when they come over here) – but one day…
By the way, any views on my dialogue as viewed here? …or the narrative? Any comments received gratefully…
Sure… erm, let me see… this line: “You don’t know what it’s been like this year? More hikers than ever have been lost this year – not just tourists too, but Icelanders.”
Is the first sentence a question or a statement?
I cant decide if the repetition of “this year” works. But then repetitions always sound awkward to me and they’re probably fine.
I’d personally say “not just tourists either” but I guess that depends on where you’re from?
Eyrún rallies on her brother
Is rallies the right word? I’d have used ’rounds on’.
…telling her it’s not so. It’s just coincidence, that you are only noticing these things…
I feel it would sound better as “…coincidence, that she is only noticing these things now because it’s happened to one of their own.”
“What’s happened to your daughter. That’s proof of it.”
Is the period deliberate? I would have written “What’s happened to your daughter – that’s proof of it.” or used a comma.
As a reader these are the bits that read a little strangely to me – but then the whole present tense thing reads a little strangely so I wouldn’t put too much store in my opinion :). Actually i feel quite embarrassed to be critiquing someone else’s work. Like, what would I know?
Leaving aside my petty niggles, the dialogue seems very convincing. How old are the characters?
Rallies v. Rounds on: I probably meant the latter 🙂
I think I probably agree with most of your suggestions – although considering it was written this morning between retrieving files from the FTP site, parsing the XML another issue of some horribly scientific journal and converting some unsightly graphics… I shall pass you some more finely polished words of mine next time 🙂 – although I stand by that period, at least for the time being.
I’m intrigued that you feel quite embarrassed to be critiquing someone else’s work – why should you? You’re a writer and a reader and a knowledge of these things. A useful thing about reading what someone else writes is it gives you an idea of whether their views on your writing are going to be useful. I like your writing. And the way that you respond to my suggestions and comments gives an idea that your comments on my work is something that would be valuable to me.
It’s interesting this writing experience shared in an online journal – I haven’t had this kind of dialogue about current writing since I left university, and I think maybe it’s been missing. If only I were clever enough to create a similar journal/message system that I could host and taylor on my own website so that writers could log in, post work, choose to have some bits public and discuss theirs and others work… Sadly I’m not clever enough to design that kind of programme…
How old are the characters?
I hadn’t really thought about it till now, as they aren’t major players in the novel:
Ben and Helen’s parent’s
Guðni – probably early fifties, he’s grey-haired and wise, but still active.
Heather – a few years younger probably about the same age as her husband’s sister:
Eyrún – late forties?
Baldur – not sure, probably about the same…
Main Players
Helen and Gerður are both 21 – Helen has just finished uni this summer, and Gerður is about to enter her final year.
Ben is a year younger at 20, and about to enter his final year at uni.
The Eth (ð) character is pronouced kind of “th” but with a bit of “d” in there. So it would be Gudthni and Gerdthur – more or less…
How are the names with non-latin characters pronounced?