A roundup of Project Nelly #4 (the third London session).

Hot on the heels of last week’s additional session, yesterday I was back to London Town for more coaching. So what had changed since my last coaching session? Well, of course there was last Thursday’s curious discovery for one, plus one on the nature of friends that I discovered at the weekend. My weekend in Derbyshire was brilliant; it was great; I had a fantastic time. It was good to see Rachel and Joe, and their family again. Dalehead, and the Edale valley is magic. There’s nothing better than standing in a stream with your rock bar shifting rocks and damming the landscape in the name of conversation. And despite seering temperatures, the ten mile walk on Sunday up and round to Mam Tor was good fun, and I’m glad I did it. All this said though…

…boy the rest of the group are a weird bunch. It’s not even that I don’t know them, I’ve been out with them on Sunday’s before, and I’ve been on a couple of weekends too I think. This weekend though was the first time – and I’m sure this is Project Nelly related – that I realised what an odd bunch they are, and how much I don’t have in common. I’m not going to go into it, but some of it the things that people said and did bugged me somewhat: a bit of intolerance, a bit of inflexibility, and a touch of plain dullness – these are not the kind of people that I can really be ‘friends’ with. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I quietly fumed a little, but I didn’t get angry – just underwent quiet realisation. The process allowed me to look objectively at some of my other relationships in my life. Particularly the work one’s.

I don’t have many friends. My closest friends – those who I am honest with about my most inner secrets – tend to be either people from school, college, conservation holidays, and who are now geographically separated from me, or here, online. If you asked me to name someone who I could call up on the phone at the moments notice, and go for a drink there and then … I don’t think I could.

This said, amongst my peers at wind band, and at work (the two places where I do interact weekly/daily with people) I think I can now identify those people who:

  • i consider to be friends
  • are people with who I friendly too, but who are are just colleagues
  • who are and always will be colleagues

Yesterday, Bill took me through some techniques about how to recognise friends v. relationships, and more importantly some techniques for establishing whether the people who I consider to be possible friends, also consider Me in the same way. As part of this, he brought out his video camera to help illustrate to me, how my body language works on other people.

In the second half of the session – which yesterday sprialled out of the original three hours up to 4 o’clock – we looked at controlling the State of my mind. What state do I need to be in to prepare for a meeting. What State do I need to switch into for having the meeting. And of course the techniques for switching from nervous and panicky to organised and methodical. All very interesting, and all very useful.

Now alll I have to do is put the plan into action…