And, apparently, 24 hours after my third review I get my first rating. I’ll be intrigued to find out how the rating compares to the reviews I’ve had. Meanwhile this third one is an interesting one…
You have talent, and it’s easy to see this developing into a viable novel, but I think it’s way too slow-moving right now. I like the potential of the structure – switching between Helen and Ben at the beginning could be good, but right now it’s too quick. My advice is to spend more time with each character, to avoid confusing the reader. Make the juxtapositions more obvious, so readers can feel it more strongly, and thus get caught up in the story more immediately.
I think more could be made of the setting. Iceland has such great landscape, and yet I found the descriptions strangely flat.
Perhaps consider starting with a scene of Ben and Helen together, so the reader can feel emotionally involved with both of them; or at least present Helen in a way that we can care about her. I can tell we’ll care about her more as the book progresses, but it’s important to catch reader’s (and editors’)attention right away.
Good luck with this. It’s well written.
but I think it’s way too slow-moving right now
It does seem to be an odd side effect of the fast-cutting style of scenes, that actually slows the reading of it down.
Iceland has such great landscape, and yet I found the descriptions strangely flat.
An interesting one this. I have been told by other readers of how well I discribe the landscape, the environment and the people, and how vivid the images are. Then again, I have also been told that I tell more than I show when it comes to the dialogue, so maybe I need to show more of the landscape too.