…but I did get a good review from someone net to WriteWords, even if they did think that T E SHEPHERD was a girl… 😉
I really like the way you frequently switch between different characters’ p.o.v.s, it kept my attention.
I also love the way you imply that the first section was all just Ben’s dream (at this point I started to think – oh, that old trick, how unoriginal). Then we find out that the part about Helen wasn’t a dream after all. So, there are a few good twists in a short space.
I’m not sure how it makes me feel to start a story with such a tragic, upsetting episode, but then I’m into more upbeat stuff (but that’s just me!).