It’s always good to get feedback on one’s words. Tonight’s from
I’ve just had another super-quick read of the latter part to remind myself (as it was a few weeks ago now you sent it to me!) so that I can give you some more constructive feedback other than just ‘yay it’s great!’. Having said that, that is still the overall impression – I’m really enjoying it and am more and more intrigued about where the story is going with each update. This time though I felt like the story had taken a new twist that I wasn’t expecting, in that Louis/Lewis (and by the way, I think you’ve managed to get that consistent now – I was never sure before, but wasn’t sure if my not being sure was because you weren’t sure or because I just wasn’t getting to grips with it, if that makes sense) seems to be becoming far less passive in the whole situation. I presume it’s part of the way you are conveying his own confusion and the gaps in his own memory and understanding as gradually things coalesce into some kind of focus (ooh, lots of potential for photography metaphors there perhaps?), but it’s kind of changed the way I’m viewing him. It’s an interesting transition – he feels far less passive now (not in a bad way, or a good way, just in a way!).
I’m still completely confused by the whole thing too, again not in a bad way or a good way particularly, and I guess whether engendering confusion in your readers is something to be concerned about really depends on how the story continues to unfold and whether that is your intention! I like the confusion, personally, that sense of ‘what the hell is going on and how on earth is this all going to fit together?!’ and it feels like there’s going to be a really satisfying payoff in the end (no pressure…). Watching the boundaries between the two worlds crumble is certainly fascinating, and I hope that when I’ve read the whole thing lots of things will fall into place and it’ll all make a lot more sense on second reading!
Anyway, keep it up, and keep sending me future updates because I want to see how this plays out! One teeny tiny minor minor thing (which will surely be ironed out in editing anyway) – watch your tenses. You have a tendency to drift into the present tense which is jolting. It’s so easy done though I know, but just thought since I’ve noticed it that I’d mention it. Sorry to end on a critical note!
I am interested in hearing Jane’s thoughts about how the reader sees Louis. It is important to me that he is a likeable and sympathetic character which I’m guessing he’s not, or not at least entirely, at the moment? Kathryn and Beth I think are very likeable and sympathetic and I’m hoping that people will naturally side with Louis. I’m hopefully drawing ‘fictional’ Amanda has the ‘ideal devoted partner’ but the ‘real’ Amanda is a bit of a bitch(!). And then there is Sarah, who I think everyone has got to love (hint, she’s got a lot more alike with her father than you think!
I’m currently reaching towards the finale of part 2 which sees, Louis’ world come crashing down and the fair scene (with apologies to J. Rawson and D Wynne Jones… *grins*), but before then I’m having lots of fun with the doors in Louis’s apartment/house.