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Lent is over; that endless 40 days has come to an end. Here we start the 50 days of Easter! 50 days of optimism, of beauty, of truth, of goodness.

The homily at mass today was about creation. The priest started by talking about how in John’s gospel, Jesus’ resurrection is discovered on the first day of the week, but when it is still dark. He compared it to Genesis, when out of the dark came the world. Day into night. Matter into the void. Christ’s resurrection is a re-creation. In dying He destroyed our death; in rising He restored our life. There is nothing to fear anymore. There is no end for us, no despair; there is hope, and the Truth. It’s a hard way, God knows. […]

I was at mass today and I thought my heart would overflow, I was so full of joy. I don’t often feel like that in church; it is a rare gift for me, and I took it wholeheartedly. And now I feel a happiness that is almost sad, because it pricks at my heart. For Christ’s death, for the gift of His body in communion, for His resurrection. For my family. For sunlight, for truth, for beauty. For my friends. For music, especially singing. For a beautiful email sitting in my inbox. For wanting to change. For being afraid. For my uncertainty. I embrace my weakness as my humanity. This is my truth. I take this hard road and I walk it and I know that I am afraid. I offer it up as a sacrifice to You.

Before we go to communion, we say: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” You’ve been answering for years. You need to keep telling me, Lord. You’ve said yes a thousand times but every week I need it, just as every year I need to suffer through your death and rejoice in your life. I’ve strayed so often and so long, but you’ve always said yes, because I need you. I realise that now in a way I haven’t for a long time. Not just want, need.

I can’t see it, but I’d like to, so please excerpt a bit!