..and I am going to keep saying that you probably will! Note I am not saying that you *have* to; I’m saying that this *is* an opportunity and it *will* make a difference to your life. You might have to wait a while though to see what difference it makes though.

Lots of people say that you have to get out there and MAKE IT HAPPEN, but that’s pretty bland advice on the whole and I actually I find it more important that you have to be *ready* for the next thing that might be approaching from around the corner.

Being ready involves a lot of things, not least realigning your emotions. So in that respect allowing yourself to feel upset and hopeless is as much a part of launching off into a new direction as anything else.

Don’t feel bad about it; there is always, always something or someone worse off than you, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t having a hard time too.

Clearly neither of us has a problem with lack of imagination 🙂 But the other major signifiers of Asperger’s do sound eerily familiar…

Would a formal diagnosis be helpful, do you think?

Thanks Kelly, for your encouraging words!

I guess another way of looking at it, is that this thing inside me that makes me *different* is also the thing that gives me my talents and makes Me *special* 😉

There are more people than you think with Aspergers (or a degree of it – it’s a scale). It’s not a new thing after all, just newly discovered, and usually only diagnosed in children so the likes of you and me going through school when we did never got diagnosed.

Have you looked at the National Autisic Society website?

I’m beginning to wonder whether I should seek a formal diagnosis? I don’t know… *shrugs*

I mean, hell, sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed.

Yes, but in my case, I think it might just be a fear of getting my nice warm toes cold again!!

No seriously, you are right. I’m fairly on the mild end of the aspergers spectrum (which is in itself on the mild end of autism) but I guess it affects me most in reading what is really be said. I have to be absolutely sure of myself before I venture forth, whether that would be getting past those interview questions or chatting to a girl.

By the time I realise that what they actually meant was that, or hey, this girl actually likes me, then they’ve already finished the interview and decided that I couldn’t fulfil their requirements or she has decided, no he’s not interested and gone off and found someone else.

I guess I just keep the thought in my mind: One day I will succeed at being an author; I’ll be a good author and they’ll realise what a mistake they made! Well you know, even if it doesn’t happen it’s a dream…

My original comment kinda touched on that. Like you, I know that I am pretty fortunate to have a job at all, and in a way I feel like I shouldn’t complain. But then I remember that I am very underpaid, and not especially happy with my life right now. From an objective standpoint, it is pretty understandable that we want to change our circumstances, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think most people go through that … it’s just harder when you have a few wires crossed in your brain. I don’t fully understand Asperger’s, but I know it makes it harder for you to reach out to other people, right? Depression does, too, in a different way. When your energy and motivation and self-esteem are in the crapper, it’s hard to pick up the phone and try to network with people. I mean, hell, sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed.

I keep saying to myself: This, too, shall pass.

*hugs*

Thanks for caring enough to try and post a longer comment. If you ever feel inspired to try and cobble it together from the recesses of your brain I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

I think when it comes down to it, even us nice people are allowed to be selfish about these things from time to time… 😉

Anyway, the general thesis was: my depression makes it very hard for me to ‘try’ at work and life, too. I hear you.