Comments on: I guess I should feel sorry for the guy…

By: Thomas

Thomas — Tue, 25 Nov 2003 08:20:30 +0000

...with sporadic email access down with my parents in the New Forest for a long weekend. Pepper's joined me on the weekend away...

More soon...

By: cogenthought

cogenthought — Mon, 24 Nov 2003 13:13:38 +0000

So where are ye these days?

By: Thomas

Thomas — Thu, 20 Nov 2003 09:48:01 +0000

In reply to soulsong.

I don't want him to suffer, like I don't wish anybody dead. But I don't mind that he is, if he is. I guess I don't care.

Aren't they different things? That I don't wish illness on someone, but I care enough about them as to whether they get better or not?

By: Thomas

Thomas — Thu, 20 Nov 2003 09:36:27 +0000

In reply to oxfordslacker.

I feel that some people aren't worth sympathy, or rather that some behaviours can exempt you from deserving it, regardless of any underlying cause

Good point. Very well made.

You're not a bad person. Questionable work ethic maybe, but you've said that yourself on more than one occasion.

And hey, if you were a bad person you wouldn't be privvy to my *friends-only* posts! *grins*

By: soulsong

soulsong — Thu, 20 Nov 2003 09:36:18 +0000

In reply to Thomas.

I have found that I'm no longer bothered by him.

Are you sure that's really true? If so, why do you want him to suffer?

By: Thomas

Thomas — Thu, 20 Nov 2003 09:32:39 +0000

Your anger and other feelings dont just go away, they become hooks in your psyche that yank you around.

As soon as I had taken steps to deal with it, and HR and helped me to prepare stuff, and I had realised that actually how I felt about him was that he was simply a *pathetic little shit* (very interesting three words - he's not even worth anything stronger), I have found that I'm no longer bothered by him. I no longer feel like he's out to (or has) turned people against me. I just see what he did (and interesting, some of which still does, despite promising management he wouldn't??) as laughable.

It erks me a bit that some people can't help but heap praise on him, but still, that's their problem...

Thanks. Your comments are very helpful.

By: oxfordslacker

oxfordslacker — Thu, 20 Nov 2003 09:12:26 +0000

Does thinking thoughts like this make me a bad person?

No. There are no thought-crimes.

I hate situations like that. They give a person a human dimension, and make it much harder to demonise them. Mixed emotions are much trickier to deal with than out and out contempt or anger, for example. Maybe this is a good thing, but I feel that some people aren't worth sympathy, or rather that some behaviours can exempt you from deserving it, regardless of any underlying cause.

Then again, I suspect that I might be a bad person, or at least somewhat morally bankrupt.

By: soulsong

soulsong — Thu, 20 Nov 2003 08:14:04 +0000

Sounds pretty human to me. This guy jerked you and others around and it wasn't possible or appropriate for you to tell him what you think. Your anger and other feelings dont just go away, they become hooks in your psyche that yank you around. Whatever happens with this guy is going to create a reaction in you of one sort or another. It's totally natural. Best way to deal with it I reckon is not to feel guilty about it. As the buddhists say, observe the emotion, accept it and let it pass. Dont suppress it cos you wont be able to. Dont feel bad about it either. Accept that you want him to suffer, let it pass and then afterwards the compassion may flow more easily, rather than thinking about what you SHOULD be doing/feeling, which never really works in my experience.