Most of the office are out today on objective setting or other some such away days so I had lunch with a different lot today. I found a little of what is quite interesting… It seems that a certain *pathetic little shit* in the office is not well – not at all well. oxfordslacker will know to whom I am referring. He bullied and harrassed myself and a fellow co-worker for no other reason other than we did not, for whatever reason, fit his idea of what she should be like.
Anyway he’s been off for a while now, yesterday he was in, but not looking well apparently (I couldn’t say I noticed – I don’t have an awful lot to do with him) – but apparently he only came in because he’s been getting bored sitting around at home when he’s not been having tests at hospital.
I don’t know what’s wrong exactly. There’s part of me that’s thinking that I should feel sorry for him. No one deserves illness or discomfort … or hell, even uncertainty. The thing is, there’s part of me that’s also thinking, hmn, well, everyone does get what’s coming to them – if you make someone’s life a misery, then…
Does thinking thoughts like this make me a bad person?
Hrmm…
Sounds pretty human to me. This guy jerked you and others around and it wasn’t possible or appropriate for you to tell him what you think. Your anger and other feelings dont just go away, they become hooks in your psyche that yank you around. Whatever happens with this guy is going to create a reaction in you of one sort or another. It’s totally natural. Best way to deal with it I reckon is not to feel guilty about it. As the buddhists say, observe the emotion, accept it and let it pass. Dont suppress it cos you wont be able to. Dont feel bad about it either. Accept that you want him to suffer, let it pass and then afterwards the compassion may flow more easily, rather than thinking about what you SHOULD be doing/feeling, which never really works in my experience.
Does thinking thoughts like this make me a bad person?
No. There are no thought-crimes.
I hate situations like that. They give a person a human dimension, and make it much harder to demonise them. Mixed emotions are much trickier to deal with than out and out contempt or anger, for example. Maybe this is a good thing, but I feel that some people aren’t worth sympathy, or rather that some behaviours can exempt you from deserving it, regardless of any underlying cause.
Then again, I suspect that I might be a bad person, or at least somewhat morally bankrupt.
I feel that some people aren’t worth sympathy, or rather that some behaviours can exempt you from deserving it, regardless of any underlying cause
Good point. Very well made.
You’re not a bad person. Questionable work ethic maybe, but you’ve said that yourself on more than one occasion.
And hey, if you were a bad person you wouldn’t be privvy to my *friends-only* posts! *grins*
Your anger and other feelings dont just go away, they become hooks in your psyche that yank you around.
As soon as I had taken steps to deal with it, and HR and helped me to prepare stuff, and I had realised that actually how I felt about him was that he was simply a *pathetic little shit* (very interesting three words – he’s not even worth anything stronger), I have found that I’m no longer bothered by him. I no longer feel like he’s out to (or has) turned people against me. I just see what he did (and interesting, some of which still does, despite promising management he wouldn’t??) as laughable.
It erks me a bit that some people can’t help but heap praise on him, but still, that’s their problem…
Thanks. Your comments are very helpful.
I have found that I’m no longer bothered by him.
Are you sure that’s really true? If so, why do you want him to suffer?
I don’t want him to suffer, like I don’t wish anybody dead. But I don’t mind that he is, if he is. I guess I don’t care.
Aren’t they different things? That I don’t wish illness on someone, but I care enough about them as to whether they get better or not?
So where are ye these days?
…with sporadic email access down with my parents in the New Forest for a long weekend. Pepper’s joined me on the weekend away…
More soon…