K. I write down her name on the back page of my notebook full of roughs. Is it possible that she likes me? What was meant earlier in the playground? In my insecurities, I jest with Simon, sitting next to me in Geography. He is in the same Maths class as me and for some reason I challenge him to lay his hand on hers. It’s stupid. As the words are spoken, I know its stupid.
I never find out if he did or not, but the next I know is they are going out. Damn my insecurities.
And Simon was my friend. I remember when his parents moved to the area, and he started part way through third year at Middle School. Mrs Bateman, placed him at our table because that was where there was a space. We became friends from then on, us and Martin and Alex, and Gary. Where are they now?
Still, it’s not like Simon knew I had a crush on her – I was insecure of myself and (even though I got on better with girls and had more friends who were girls) I still shied away from the whole girlfriend thing. Maybe it was because there was also C.– I couldn’t decide which? I think it was more that I spent too long agonising in my own mind whether she – whether they – were similarly attracted. If they ever did, then I missed the opportunity, I never the courage, I’ll never know…
