Another YouWriteOn review. With reviews like this it’s going to be hard for me to keep my spirits up…

The very first line of this story seemed promising. But then I found the next three paragraphs written in a choppy and terse style that continued for the entire read. It almost felt as if I was reading notes the author made to himself in outlining his story progression. The story idea is interesting a brother’s concern for his lost sister but the author doesn’t give the reader any true connection to his characters. Ben sits, Ben nods, Ben speaks, Ben wonders, Replace Ben with Helen or any of the other character’s names and you discover the author is freezing his story with stock, trite phrasing – sounds of silence, dead of night, sun is rising. In one paragraph Hanna pushes the key…pushes open the door…she calls out her greeting…she calls again…”Ben” she calls.” Following that scintillating lead in I learn that his (Ben’s) cousin arrives and stops, hanging in the doorway. In the author’s own words – “It’s grey. It’s concrete. It’s cold.”